


Erotic Theories of Mechanical Engineering

by Pookaseraph



Series: CMUniverse [13]
Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Carnegie Mellon, F/M, Fluff, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Pittsburgh, Relationship Negotiation, Wheelchairs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-08
Updated: 2012-01-08
Packaged: 2017-10-29 04:27:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/315817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pookaseraph/pseuds/Pookaseraph
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Charles loves Tony, he really does, but the boy makes his life difficult. His best friend dating his boyfriend's sister has definitely complicated his own lovelife. Charles also loves Erik, he really does, but while the emotional intimacy is bang on the decided lack of progress in the physical department has left him a little... antsy. Charles confronts Erik over the backwards movement in their relationship when it comes to sex, and is forced to confront the fact that he's not the only person grappling with issues in their new relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Erotic Theories of Mechanical Engineering

Breakfast was... a bit strained. Understatement of the year. Charles had gotten some of the particulars - Anya having stayed the night, specifically - and he knew Erik would be incensed. There was very little he could do about that, however. Anya was, if not technically an emancipated adult, old enough for anything she and Tony wanted to do together. Even he had to admit not all of his own former liaisons had been blessed by the technicalities of the law. He was hardly going to be able to judge on this. They took one of the 61 buses down to Oakland and rolled into Pamela's before the worst of the Saturday morning rush and got a nice table with a view of the very lovely Forbes Avenue.

Erik gave Charles' hand a squeeze above the table, the two of them letting their hands linger. It was... a bit thrilling, to Charles, exactly how much his heart raced when Erik did something so simple as reach out to him. Charles knew it was a big step for him to even allow that, even if it was frustratingly chaste.

"Tony..." Erik began, paused, squeezed Charles' hand again and then glanced down at the menu. "I get it, you're dating my sister, but could you please not..."

Tony frowned.

"Can we do this another time?" Charles asked, wanting to broker a peace, however uneasy, between his friend and his boyfriend. He... didn't want them on edge with each other. It was selfish, he knew, but he didn't want either of them to dislike the other.

"Charles, it's fine," Tony answered. "I... probably deserve this."

Erik stared at Tony, Charles did as well; that was not a common admission for Tony.

"So, go ahead, say your fill."

Erik obviously didn't even have a clue where to start. They all simultaneously started to work their way through the menu, ignoring the other issue for a few minutes. Then they ordered drinks, followed by food, before anyone went back to the subject of Anya.

"She's never had a real boyfriend before," Erik ventured.

"I'm aware."

Erik rolled his eyes. "But do you know what that means?"

Tony shrugged. "That she's hesitant, yet overeager, that she has a hard time figuring out how to make time for both her boyfriend and her family, that she's not sure how to tell how invested we are in each other, and she has _no_ idea how her family will take her dating a gentile." Tony dumped two sugars into his coffee before giving it a stir and taking a sip. Tony's voice took on a temporarily softer quality. "We do talk about these things, Erik, it's not all physical."

Charles was certain that Erik wouldn't realize it, but the way Tony's eyes darted to meet his he knew Tony knew what he'd said, what he'd implied. All through undergrad they'd lived together and Charles knew Tony's M.O. and it had always been a rare time when whoever he'd brought home would still be around when Charles woke up to put the coffee on. Certainly an exceptionally acrobatic or adventurous woman could hold his interest for longer, but he highly doubted Tony was experimenting in practical implementations of theoretical kinky sex practices with Anya. That meant... that Anya had managed to take third place in Tony's longest relationships with very little on offer other than herself, her personality, talking and listening.

The idea was a bit terrifying to Charles, actually. He couldn't deny that, as much as Tony was concerned about Erik taking Charles away from him, Charles was concerned about the opposite, about a girl attracting Tony's attention and breaking them up.

"You said she was worth it."

Tony nodded. Charles was... floored. Tony mouthed off from time to time but... wow. Tony didn’t just say things like that. Erik might have thought that was just some line, something a guy said, but for Tony that was... revelatory.

"And you mean that?"

"Completely." Tony wriggled in his chair, obviously uncomfortable with this conversation, but willing to stick it out. "I know I haven't exactly impressed you with my stunning displays of monogamous thinking, but... I'm working on it."

"Commitment's a new thing for you."

"Definitely not. I've been committed to Charles for nineteen years!"

Charles smiled into his hand. "I don't know, Tony, there were those three weeks in second grade."

"In my defense, your girlfriend was a poopyhead."

Charles laughed out loud at that. That had been... ages ago, he was pretty sure that the two of them had pulled each other's - metaphorical - pigtails over that incident for months after the fact. It had probably been the last time Tony had done anything close to abandoning Charles. It had actually been just before Charles' father had died. Seven year olds were not particularly good with grief, and Charles had been a bit of a monster at school for months afterwards. Tony had been there when no one else had been, even through Charles shouting - on more than one occasion - that he hated Tony and that Tony should just leave him alone.

He sighed. The look on Tony's face said he knew exactly where Charles' mind had gone. "Hey." Tony scooted over and squeezed Charles' shoulder. "None of that."

"Thanks."

Erik... clearly didn't know what was going on. "Tony, I..." Erik poked the table, and then fell silent as their food arrived. "Do you love her?"

Charles would have stopped Erik from asking, if he could have; he could have easily predicted Tony's rough reaction. He went sheet white - all his usual color gone out of his face - he stood up from the table, gave a soft 'excuse me', and then fled the restaurant.

Erik's eyes - usually a calm sea green-blue - were looking exceptionally steely now.

"Please don't ask him something like that again, Erik."

"Is this going to be a thing, Charles, you taking his side? My baby sister is... smitten with him and his response to a simple question is to run away."

Charles prodded his pancakes with a fork for a moment. "That wasn't an easy question."

"Yes it is."

"You love me, Erik?"

"You know I do."

Charles allowed himself a moment of happiness at that before pressing on. "Who else have you loved?"

"No one."

 _That_ answer left him a bit squishy inside. "I mean... your mother?"

"Oh. Sure. My mother, my father, my brother and sisters... one aunt I like a lot." That was plenty of people.

"Do you know how Tony would answer that?" Erik shrugged. "My father, his parents, his grandpa Edward and my grandfather Wesley, me; do you want to guess what they mostly have in common?"

He watched Erik's jaw flex as he clenched his jaw tight. "All of them are dead except for you."

"And me?"

"You almost died in his arms." Erik seemed to catch what Charles was trying to say. "But that's not... statistics or engineering or even good data analysis. Correlation isn't causation."

"Do you really think someone's heart knows the difference between correlation and causation? For Tony, loving someone is... really complicated. He freaks out about getting too committed to small pets. Yes, he knows that committing to someone isn't going to kill them, but sometimes it feels that way." He sighed, squeezed Erik's hand tight and then ran his thumb along the back of his hand. "You know, I have these conversations too, with him, about him being sensitive and understanding to your own brand of commitment-phobia."

"I don't have commitment-phobia."

Charles arched an eyebrow at him, but didn't comment beyond that. Tony might have been feeling like a fourteen year old, but Charles had been feeling a bit like a monk. He supposed he actually needed to talk to Erik about it, head on, when they weren't out for pancake breakfast.

"Is Tony going to be back?"

He nodded, and went back to his pancakes, Erik did the same, and Tony did come back a minute or two later, looking flustered, but mostly alright. He then cut off a huge chunk of pancake and shoved it in his mouth so he wouldn't be forced to say anything. Charles grinned.

Tony eventually washed down the pancake with a gulp of coffee. "I like your sister a lot."

Charles nearly choked on his tea. Erik pressed his fingers to Charles' back, rubbing gently as he recovered from his coughing fit.

"And she knows this because I told her."

The world was going to end; he needed to get Erik back to his room and they needed to have sex because the world was going to end, hell had frozen over, the apocalypse was nigh.

"So that will have to be good enough for you, Erik." Charles knew he must have looked beyond shocked. "And don't look at me with that tone, Mr. Xavier."

"I did not say _anything_ , Mr. Stark."

"You have a mental tone, it's very distinct. It's the annoying voice in the back of my head when I'm going something disreputable." Tony shot a quick glance at Erik. "Which I obviously need very infrequently, at the moment."

"Of course." Erik's tone was, at least, wry, not murderous.

That was, at least, mostly the end of it. Erik did prod for more details, and Tony informed Erik in rather loose detail about several outings he and Anya had been on. Charles could hear the places where details were omitted, but he got the distinct impression that was not to save his own skin, but to preserve his privacy. That concept would generally have been foreign for Tony, but it seemed that at least some change had come over his friend when it came to his new relationship.

"I'm going to hit the Institute," Tony said when they got back to campus. "Saturday is the day for robots! Have fun you crazy kids."

He and Charles headed down Morewood to the dorm. "What do you think the chances are he's going to sneak out with my sister?"

"Low," Charles had to admit. "Chances he's going to call her seem high, however."

The two of them settled in to his room, Charles stretched out his legs, and after a brief pause Erik came over and helped.

"Did you really mean what you said earlier, about me having commitment-phobia?"

Charles debated his answer. "I just meant... we haven’t....” He didn’t want to be a cad about this, but hopes of much more than fully clothed cuddles had not been fulfilled. “I had hoped the relationship would be moving along more, physically." Despite their first night together, despite spending it topless and spending more than a few nights together after that, Erik had been... distant.

"You want to... have sex?" Erik sounded so tentative; it almost broke Charles' heart.

"I want to do something more than kiss you." He took a deep breath, exhaled. He needed to calm down. This turning into an argument was not what he wanted at all. "I know... there's not a great deal of spontaneity with me, and I know that can be frustrating, but..." Erik had seemed on board, he really had, he'd seemed like he was willing to learn, like he wanted to have something sexual with Charles, but since that first momentary breakthrough things had stagnated, some nights they had even gone backwards.

"I love you."

Charles shut his eyes. "I love you, too, Erik..."

Erik clearly heard the 'but' there. His face was still awkward when Charles opened his eyes and looked at him. He looked like he was debating what to say, eyes flicking, searching for the right thing to say. "I'm scared."

"Of?" He begged, mentally, for Erik to say absolutely anything but 'hurting you'. He couldn't quite stand that right now.

"Of... of being gay, of doing something and really liking it, of not liking it, of... _everything_ , Charles. I'm terrified."

"Then we need to talk about this, Erik. I do love you, but I can't just express that with handholding and kissing forever. I thought..." Another deep breath. "I thought you might bring it up again, after you'd sorted things out better in your head, but you haven't." He knew two months was hardly a lifetime, and he didn't expect them to start something too much more intimate, but he'd settle for actually getting his hands on Erik, and vice versa, not the neutered cuddling they were doing now.

"I haven't sorted anything out," Erik admitted. "I've been pretty sure I'm gay for a while now, but I've never told anyone but you. I don't think I can tell my family."

Charles felt his stomach sink. What had happened to 'you'd be worth it'? He tried not to let it show on his face. "You don't think you can tell them now? Can tell them ever?"

Erik didn't answer directly. "It was easier when it was theoretical, when I was just looking and the only person I was touching was... well was myself. You were... theoretical, I didn't even think you liked guys, much less me, so... I had a crush on you and there was no harm in it because it wasn't going to go anywhere."

He felt like he might be sick. "And now?"

"And now... now I love you, I want you, and you make me feel so good, but every time I think that I might be able to act, I think about exactly how disappointed my mother would be, and exactly how much my aunt would not like that. I worry how my little siblings would react." Erik looked miserable.

Charles found himself wishing it was just his legs that were the stopping block, this was so much more complicated and not something he could work around. If Erik had just been stymied about what to do with Charles, sexually, he could have guided him through, but this... Charles had grown up completely comfortable with the way he felt about people, Tony had supported him through considering that he was gay, had nodded along when he'd decided he was actually bisexual, and put up with hours upon hours of mechanics research just to find out how Charles was supposed to go about enjoying himself sexually. What Erik was feeling wasn't any of that.

"Can we kiss more?" Erik asked, plaintive.

Charles wanted to say no, or at least put it off, but he nodded. Erik climbed up to straddle him and kissed him, it was slow and chaste and almost desperate. He could feel Erik trying to get something out of it, understanding maybe, or clarity, or just affection. Charles ran his hands up Erik's stomach when they broke apart. "Where's the man who strutted around with no clothing to get me to notice him?" He tried to say it lightly, but he really did wonder, if anything Erik had gotten _less_ sexual with him as time went on, it was like he was being stuck in the friend zone, but with kissing. He couldn't deal with that, it was even worse than not liking Charles in the first place.

"He has no idea what to do with you now that he's got you..." Erik confessed.

Charles only barely contained the urge to snap that he'd make Erik a diagram. He wasn't used to feeling this cranky. It was probably the lack of sex. Oh, he understood dry spells well enough, knew how to handle that, but he had this ridiculously carved specimen of a man who kept saying 'I love you' and 'forever' and all of that and... well, he really wanted forever to come with some sexual contact. Maybe he was being unreasonable, at least with the timetable of this relationship.

Erik leaned in to kiss him again but Charles kept him back, Erik on his haunches straddling him in the chair. "Do you know the second most frequent inappropriate thing people say to me when they see the chair?"

Erik shook his head.

"The first is, of course, what happened to put me in the chair." Because of course people had the absolute right to prod him and poke him and demand his life story because he had the audacity to go outside in a wheelchair. Charles tried to like people, he really did, but sometimes it could be a drain. "The second is some variation on either _how_ I could possibly have sex, or how much of a pity it is that I can't have sex."

It took him a little while, but Erik seemed to manage to get what Charles was implying. "I know you can. I... have seen books about how you can."

That was a small relief. "So I just need you to know that. I don't want anything you're not willing to give... but I'd really like to have an orgasm with you, not just by myself."

Erik managed to both look bashful and amused by the proclamation.

Somehow they would have to navigate that, dealing with... well, if Charles were feeling blunt he would have called it internalized homophobia. Erik didn't _hate_ himself, and certainly didn't hate Charles, or blame Charles for tempting him away from straightness, but he certainly wasn't comfortable with the idea of the actual act of... shared gayness. He honestly questioned the wisdom of even continuing, as much as the idea of breaking up with Erik seemed like it would be shattering.

They were going to have to walk some ridiculous tight rope, with Charles always mindful of not pushing Erik too far, not making him do something 'too gay' and he really, really shouldn't have let himself get into this situation, and honestly the only reason he was allowing it was because of how Erik held his hand in public, confessed his affection freely - and frequently, and how much he was willing to express his affection to Tony.

"Can we..." Erik brushed his thumb down Charles' throat. "Can we talk about how we can do that?"

"Could you get my books?" He knew Erik knew which ones and where they were located, and perhaps in a fit of perverseness he grabbed a notepad as well, because if they were going to need notes he was hardly going to get it afterwards. "We'll sit on the bed, I'll show you naughty pictures, and we can discuss how to get where we want to go."

It took several minutes - it always did - but they wound up on the bed, Erik rearranging the pillows so Charles could sit comfortably, Erik massaging Charles' ankles and calves. Charles couldn't feel it, but he knew his muscles would thank him later. If Erik needed the few feet of distance for this conversation he could have it.

"So..." Charles took a deep breath. "How do you feel about me touching your penis?"

Id warred with superego on Erik's face, his eyes screaming 'oh, yes please' before falling, and considering, his first reaction subjugated by expectations and what he should do and a remarkable amount of guilt. "I'm pretty sure I would like that, yes."

"Full honesty, please, Erik. I..." He shook his head, trying to think of a politic way of saying it. "I don't get off on crying and guilt."

"I'm not going to cry." But he did look rueful now, and he knew exactly what Charles was talking about. He would feel guilty, at least a touch. "What's the phrase? Something about Narnia and closets?"

He tried to find it humorous, but it wasn't easy. "I suppose the same goes for my mouth as my hands?"

Erik shifted from one leg to the other; it was clear no matter what Erik's head was thinking about the matter, his body was taking its own cues. "Yeah." Erik frowned again. "I _want_ you, but afterwards it's all... Tony told me to just rip the band aid off."

"You were talking to Tony about sex and he said to rip it off like a band aid?" His friend was completely ridiculous.

"It was a related issue..." Erik sighed, hands heading up to gently massage around Charles' kneecaps. He still couldn't feel it - obviously - but he could see Erik doing that gently. "I do think it would be fine, Charles."

Charles wasn't inclined to risk it. "I don't want it to be fine, Erik, I want it to be quite a bit more than fine, possibly orgasmic."

Erik blushed. "I'm sure it would be."

Ok, Charles remembered why he was putting up with this ridiculousness, because he loved Erik, and Erik obviously loved him, he was just a bit of an idiot about putting it into practice. "Above the belt naked touching?"

"Yes please?" Erik looked confused.

"I meant things you were alright with." Erik usually liked that, the two of them, shirts off, just touching...

"Oh. Yes. I like that." Erik gave him a smile and gently flexed his ankle some, hands moving his legs and stretching him. "Both ways..." He bit his lip. "Which means you want to know why I've been avoiding that..."

"The thought has crossed my mind." Charles put his hands out and waved Erik to get closer. Erik scooted up. "Erik, love, I know I seem like I know a great deal and I am really very brilliant and empathic, but I cannot, actually, read your mind. We've talked about sex once before, our first night together, and... I hadn't brought it up again, but here I am, bringing it up again." He _needed_ to know that Erik saw him that way, that they were going somewhere sexual.

"I've been making you feel sexless." Erik sighed. "And... I guess I've just been freaking out about going farther than we've been going. I _want_ to, but then I feel like I shouldn't. You're incredibly good looking, Charles, and this is the first time I've had someone to look at and touch and it's a bit overwhelming. I really love making out with you."

"I can work with that." Charles wasn't certain what to do with that, however. "Would you mind me getting myself off when you're touching me?"

Erik sputtered, blushed furiously pink. "You mean like... with your hand?"

"A vibrator, actually, but the general principle is the same."

"Yes." Erik looked very determined. "I can do that. Can I... um... masturbate with you touching me?"

"I would be more than happy for you to do just that." He was smiling though, and a bit amused at how Erik's mind had decided to implement the supreme court mental case of Gay vs. Not Gay, but he wasn't going to argue. "You're alright with that? Really?"

"Can we do it now?"

Charles considered the myriad steps in between the two of them and orgasm. "Forty-five minutes?"

Erik nodded enthusiastically.


End file.
